When Good Karma Goes Annoying

Recently I learned of a healing technique called ho'oponopono. It has been famously promoted by Joe Vitale in his story of Dr. Len, a Hawaiian psychologist, who cured a ward of criminally insane patients. Dr. Len accomplished this without ever seeing any of the patients personally, but by studying each inmate's chart, finding that unhealed part of the inmate within himself, and saying "I love you. I'm sorry." (That got expanded to "I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you." I went one further and added "I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I forgive you. Thank you.") http://www.wanttoknow.info/070701imsorryiloveyoujoevitale It's a fascinating story.

I'd been doing a lot of ho'oponopono when people or situations weren't falling into line with my idea of a perfect world, and I found that it immediately made me feel less pissed off or frustrated. Sometimes the situation would change almost immediately. Sometimes the shift would be more gradual—but it would shift. It's free, takes almost no time, and has no negative side effects—gotta love it.

Until today. I had an uneasy feeling that I couldn't immediately identify. After poking around at that feeling for awhile, I realized that I was hopping mad—at ho'oponopono. It has completely taken me out of my comfort zone. I can't be mad at anyone. I can't blame anyone for anything—because it's me! (With apologies to my junior high English teacher: "It is I!") What fucking fun is that??? Yeah, it feels good when I get to the other side and I'm all love and forgiveness and light—but that's like how good it feels after running a marathon, and the pain and puking stop. I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I forgive you. Thank you. BAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Fuck that!

I want to blame and mentally point my index finger menacingly and be righteously angry (I want to be RIGHT!) and stomp around. I can still do that, of course, but it's not fun any more and doesn't feel so good because I know it's not true. I know that I'm pointing and angry at my own shadow, which points directly back at me. Now that I know it, I can't undo it.

The path to enlightenment and nirvana can be hell sometimes.