The Best Utensil for the Bad Cook
Yeah, I'm bad. At cooking, that is. Perhaps I'm ahead of the pedestrian bad cook, if only because I know about Roxanne Gold and her 1-2-3 series; but there are 23 things I'd rather do than cook. Nevertheless, I'm here to help you in the kitchen.
Two words: swim goggles. If you're a bad cook like I am and burn things even in the microwave, keep the goggles handy in your kitchen and put them on before the billows of smoke get too intense. You will be able to see clearly to disable the smoke detector before it starts screeching.
Even if you're a good cook, swim goggles are a fabulous aid when you're chopping onions. You will not tear up (from high school chemistry, I can advise you that the ocular burning sensation is created due to the onion's sulfur compounds that bind with the water in your tear ducts and create sulfuric acid in your eyeballs, which burns like hell), and as an added bonus any guests observing you will be mightily entertained by their host sporting this odd apparatus. If you have any doubts, see Mary Stuart Masterson in Benny and Joon.
posted by Liz Zélandais at 5:39 PM
2 Comments:
Not that I don't think you look perfectly lovely in swim goggles, but a slice of bread held in one's mouth while chopping onions generally will mitigate any of the tear-jerking effects. On the other hand, if the kitchen suddenly floods, you're nowhere near as prepared as you'd be with your own method...
I'd say that makes you Julia Child for the next century.
I'm right there with you on the goggles. They work like a dream and always get a laugh....but then it was YOU who told me about them in the first place. You would have gotten a chuckle out of my sad attempt to explain what they were for in FRENCH! I bought my current pair in a little shop in Provence and the shopkeeper thought it was all such a mahvelous idea....
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